Now and then I stumble upon and jot down noteworthy quotes. But what’s the use if I never share them? Please enjoy my personal collection from the section I call “enviable insults.” I’ve never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure. —attributed to Mark Twain, but more likely from Clarence Darrow
He looks like the collective nightmare of every Hooters waitress ever. —Unknown If soldiers had killed Escoffier’s family in front of him and then forced him to make dinner, this is what he would have cooked. —NYT food critic Peter Wells I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you. —Unknown People like you are the reason we have middle fingers. —Unknown He had few inferiors when it came to dealing with newspaper correspondents. —a newspaper columnist describing Andrew John Volstead of Volstead Act fame You’re about as useless as an asshole with tastebuds. —Unknown He excels at utterly missing the point and dragging out ad nauseam his endless nitpicking, all while looking in the mirror and admiring how reasonable and smart he must look. —Steve Cuno Do I want him to have a second chance after all this time? Nope. Truth be told, I’d much rather watch him try to put ointment on the genitals of a fully alert wolverine in a closet. —Robert Kirby re a recently paroled convict You have too much blood in your caffeine. —Noah Lugeons I would like to see him returned to the equine alimentary canal from which he descended. —Steve Cuno A racist scrotum dipped in Cheetos —Patton Oswalt’s description of Trump Scrotum designed by Salvador Dali —@factbasedliving, a winner of the Scathing Atheist Podcast’s “Describe Jeff Sessions in Five Words or Less Contest” I have heard flatulence with better diction. — Noah Lugeons on The Skepticrats Podcast If he had been given an enema, he could have been buried in a matchbox. —Christopher Hitchens on the death of televangelist Jerry Falwell I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong. —Russell Lynes It’s people like you that give people like you a bad name. —Marvel character Jessica Jones I’d rather give birth to a porcupine backwards than be like him. —Jeff Bacon You geriatric asshole! I hope you choke on your fiber. —Tyson Swayt You look like Freddy Krueger face-f***ed a topographical map of Utah. —Weasel to Wade Wilson in Deadpool The next thing he says dislocates my irony bone. —PZ Myers People who go into hamburger management always look as if their mother slept with Goofy. —Bill Bryson, A Walk In the Woods Utah State Senator Weiler during a hate crime hearing: “Is being a BYU fan a hate crime?” Senator Thatcher: “No, it’s a disability.”
1 Comment
Rick Gaither
9/2/2023 03:07:18 pm
And let’s not forget that classic, said by Mark Twain (I think) as he was departing a party. “I just want to let you know I’ve had a wonderful time. However, this wasn’t one of those times”.
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Welcome to Cunoblog... where I share thoughts about writing. I don’t consider myself a writing authority, but that doesn’t keep me from presuming to blog like one. Oh, and I reserve the right to digress when I feel like it. |