On my upcoming appointment with G. Reaper, Esq.

I’LL JUST spit it out: I have Stage 5 kidney disease. Blood tests indicate that I will shuffle off this mortal coil within a handful of months.

I’m posting this with some hesitation. The attention that tends to follow “I’m gonna die” isn’t of the sort that I care to hog. Yet I’m sure a few of you will have questions, so here goes.

Q: Any chance the prognosis is wrong?
A: Nope. That said, the timing is inexact. if I’m still around a year from now, you can bet I’ll be embarrassed.

Q: Are you in pain?
A: No, thank goodness. So far my main symptom is fatigue. Anyone hell–bent on having a terminal illness but not into pain should put serious consideration into kidney disease.

Q: Are you afraid to die?
A: Not in the least.

Q: Not even a little bit afraid?
A: Not even a little bit.

Q: How is your mood?
A: Tranquil. I’m certainly not eager to go, but I feel ready. Challenges and wrong turns notwithstanding, I have had a good life. I have done a lot — music, writing, business — but the achievement for which I’m most grateful is that, by some miracle, my kids and grandkids love me. (It kinda goes both ways.) And I have great friends. My years in Portland, Oregon have been the happiest of my life. I’m going out on a high note.

Q: Do you believe in God and/or an afterlife?
A: That’s a firm NO on both. I expect every last vestige of Steve–ness to disappear the moment the last circuit in my alleged brain ceases firing. If I’m wrong, I assume I will be the first to know. 

 Q: Is it okay if we pray for you?
A: That’s up to you. My only request is: DON’T TELL ME ABOUT IT.  I recently penned a few words about why “I’ll pray for you” lands so poorly. You can read it by clicking here.


​Q: What about dialysis or a transplant?
A: I have received kidney donation offers from relatives and friends. It’s truly moving. I cannot begin to express my gratitude. But, for reasons I don’t care to go into here, I have declined transplantation as well as dialysis. 

Q: What happens from here?
A: I’ll continue enjoying being alive while, well, while I’m alive. My activity is limited, but I still have family, friends, doggies, music, reading, streaming, and a beautiful outdoor view from my recliner. I will gradually lose strength until, toward the end of 2026, give or take, I expire. When the time is upon me, I plan to decline hospice care and take advantage of Oregon’s Death With Dignity Act. Supervised by a physician, I will consume a prescription medicine that will cause me to slip painlessly away four minutes hence. (Tip for out–of–state friends, in the event you ever find yourself facing a terminal disease: you needn’t be a resident to take advantage of Oregon’s Death With Dignity Act.)

Q: Will there be a funeral, wake, or other service? A grave we can visit?
A: My kids and I have chosen not to hold a service. My remains will go Oregon Science University Hospital. I love thinking that a medical student poking around in my body might just learn something that saves a life later on.

Q: Is it ok to contact or visit you?
A: In–person visits are increasingly taxing for me, but I ain’t dead yet, so by all means call, FaceTime, email, or text. All topics are on the table, save the following boundaries, which I ask you to honor: (1) Don’t witness to me or try to convert me, whether overtly or subtly (or so you think); (2) don’t tell me you’ll pray for me; (3) don’t suggest treatments or cures; and (4) don’t try to talk me out of doing the Death With Dignity thing.
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Q: Do you need assistance of any sort?
A: I’m danged lucky. My adult children live nearby and are very helpful. My son and daughter–in–law are moving in with me, so I’ll have company and help.

Q: What will happen to your dogs?
A: My daughter will take them. They’ll be fine. I’m pretty sure they love her more than they love me anyway. They are smart that way.

Q: What can we do for your family now and after you’re gone?
A: Thank you for thinking of them. Please direct that question to them.

Q: Any non profits you’d like us to donate to in your name?
A: Yes! Skeptoid Media, American Atheists, or your local food bank. Thank you in advance.

Q: Why is it called a “mortal coil”? And why is it “shuffle off”?
A: Beats the hell outta me.

Q: Do you have a closing thought?
A: Gratitude. Thank you to all who have been a positive part of my life.