Christianity’s version of forgiveness must go

Christianity’s version of forgiveness must go.

​To be clear, I’m not saying that forgiveness per se is bad. There’s everything healthy about not letting wrongs that you have endured fester and canker. If that’s what you mean by forgiveness, good on you. 

No; I’m talking about Christianity’s version of forgiveness. I refer specifically to the doctrine that Jesus’s atonement erases missteps from the eternal record. Repent, and all that sinning you did is magically undone. Thus you’re cleansed. Pure. Allowed to enter heaven.

Except, wait. The harm you caused remains. Sure, you can pay for what you stole, fix what you broke, apologize until your vocal cords cry out for a break. But you cannot un–betray, un–rape, un–insult, un–harass, un–oppress, un–depress, un–harm, un–scar. 

Worse, Christianity holds that when God forgives, the people you harmed damn well better forgive, too—in fact, forget!—or it will be they who are in danger of hellfire. Want to send someone to hell? Do something they can’t let go of while you repent and sail into heaven!

Which is why you have probably overheard, as I have, statements like this one: “God has forgiven me. You’re not being Christlike if you can’t forgive and forget.”

To forgive and forget, by the way, is impossible. You cannot forget on demand. Go ahead. I challenge you to forget that you have read this far. Do it right now. I’ll wait.

For that matter, if you could forget on demand, to do so would be downright foolish. If a neighbor hurls rocks at you when you walk by, you can work at trying not to let it ruin an otherwise good day. That’s sound mental health. But if you forget and walk by the rock–hurler again, you’re not saintly. You’re a bloody fool.

Healthy forgiveness is not found in deciding something didn’t happen, or that it happened but now is ok. It is found in not letting it fester. Let’s not make it sound easy. Like most things mentally healthy, it’s as difficult as it is worth pursuing.

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