The author's lot is a hard one, and yet there are those who deliberately set out to make it harder for themselves. There are those who, in their pride and their innocence, dedicate their careers to writing humorous pieces. Poor dears, the world is stacked against them from the start, for everybody in it has the right to look at their work and say, “I don't think that's funny.” —Dorothy Parker

The first lumpy mail project I worked on (about five years before I launched my own agency, if you care) involved M&MS®.

“Lumpy mail” is informal–speak for “three–dimensional mail,” which contains some sort of object that illustrates a selling point. In this case, the point was that our client could deliver natural gas—same gas, same pipeline—to industrial users for about 25 percent less than the local utility charged.

To illustrate the point, we mailed pairs of half–pound bags of M&MS with a letter explaining that although the bags were identical, the bag on the left came from a discount grocery chain and sold for about 25 percent less than the bag on the right, which came from a convenience store.

The campaign helped our client sign up plenty of new customers, more than paying for itself, but that’s not what this post is about.

My boss felt it was important that our client be able to defend the M&MS price difference claim, just in case someone challenged it. So, off I went, visiting store after store until I found M&MS priced the way we needed. Remarkably, I succeeded. At a nearby convenience store, I found half–pound bags of M&MS priced exactly 25 percent higher than half–pound bags at a nearby grocery outlet. I asked for the manager and ordered several hundred bags. 

The manager said, “For that many, I can get you a discount.”

I replied, “Thank you, but if you don’t mind, I’d rather pay the higher price.”

My mind’s eye can still see his baffled expression. 

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