As If Anyone Cares
What’s On My Mind...
A collection of thoughts, jotted one predawn morning when I couldn’t sleep. Some of these I learned the hard way myself; others I picked up from wise friends and associates. The list keeps growing, so be sure to check back.
Never tell anyone anything you’re not willing to own having said, no matter where it should happen to be repeated. This rule will keep you out of more needless trouble than any other.
People who share what others confide in them will tell your secrets, too.
To expect unconditional love is to abdicate responsibility for being lovable. Which, ironically, is not a particularly effective way to go about being loved.
Manipulating people will catch up with you. Besides, you’re not as good at it as you think you are.
People deserve honest praise.
Some things are intrinsically criminal, whether or not they are legal. On the other hand, some things are intrinsically benign, whether or not they are illegal.
There is nothing harder to be than yourself.
Gratitude grounds. Whether they are a product of biology, environment or divine endowment, you didn’t earn your gifts nor your good fortune to have been able to develop them.
Spinning a story for any purpose is still lying.
It takes wisdom to know when to tread lightly. It takes even more of it to know when not to tread at all.
When a repeat offender assures you, “I have changed,” it’s possible. But the odds are against it, so proceed with caution.
There is no such thing as returning a favor, or calling in a favor. If it can be returned or called in, it wasn’t a favor.
What you want others to think of you is a lousy way to make decisions. One is only free to choose the best course when acknowledgement doesn’t matter. Loneliness is a risk of making good choices.
When praise for an act of kindness or integrity feels well deserved, your original motivation was at least partly self-serving.
Beware name dropping. There is no such thing as integrity by association.
In business, professed religious belief is not a credential, but a warning sign.
Unwillingness to take a stand for fear of angering others is not a virtue. It is cowardice, and will sooner or later lead to letting down someone who deserves support.
Watch out for people who bristle at honest probes into their integrity. People with integrity skip the show of indignation and answer the question.
Being asked to enter into a fair contract is not an insult, but a sign of trust.
Though you cannot control the outcomes of your choices, you can have the assurance that you made well thought-out, wise decisions to the best of your ability — providing you did.
Successful people acknowledge good and bad fortune. Failures take credit for the former and blame the latter.
Never mistake randomness for anything more.
We all want others to think well of us, but something gets out of kilter when we place too high a value on it, or, worse, feel compelled to manage it. At its most benign, it is insecurity. At its most malignant, it is a breeding ground for hypocrisy and dishonesty.
Failures blame. Successful people accept blame, but tend to call it “responsibility.”
You can’t fix another person.
No one else can fix you.
Working with what is will serve you far better than lamenting what should be.
People who talk about how well they know themselves are mistaken.
Complain, and receive complaints, with care. A complaint doesn’t solve, and not every complaint catalyzes a solution, but every solution begins with a complaint.
People who urge you to “just get along” at the expense of dealing with issues are not peace makers. They are fearful. They frustrate their friends and hold up progress.
With some people, the only way to win is: don’t play.
Winning has nothing to do with defeating anyone. It has more to do with learning how not to defeat yourself.
There is no such thing as a qualified apology.
Truth is truth, regardless of its source.
Your head is smarter than your heart and your gut combined.
People tend to prefer validation to illumination. This is at once useful and disheartening.
When you’re dealing with inappropriate behavior, turnabout is never fair play.
People who don’t understand complexity are good at making complexity look silly to others who also don’t understand it.
If wisdom is in knowing when to speak up, it follows that it must also be in knowing when to shut up.
Whenever you begin defending yourself with words akin to, “I’m not, I’m just...”, chances are you’re kidding yourself with the “I’m not” part.
Reason lacks the spellbinding, convincing power of raw emotion. Thus reason will always have the disadvantage.
Things change.
Move on.
© 2010 Steve Cuno
Never tell anyone anything you’re not willing to own having said, no matter where it should happen to be repeated. This rule will keep you out of more needless trouble than any other.
People who share what others confide in them will tell your secrets, too.
To expect unconditional love is to abdicate responsibility for being lovable. Which, ironically, is not a particularly effective way to go about being loved.
Manipulating people will catch up with you. Besides, you’re not as good at it as you think you are.
People deserve honest praise.
Some things are intrinsically criminal, whether or not they are legal. On the other hand, some things are intrinsically benign, whether or not they are illegal.
There is nothing harder to be than yourself.
Gratitude grounds. Whether they are a product of biology, environment or divine endowment, you didn’t earn your gifts nor your good fortune to have been able to develop them.
Spinning a story for any purpose is still lying.
It takes wisdom to know when to tread lightly. It takes even more of it to know when not to tread at all.
When a repeat offender assures you, “I have changed,” it’s possible. But the odds are against it, so proceed with caution.
There is no such thing as returning a favor, or calling in a favor. If it can be returned or called in, it wasn’t a favor.
What you want others to think of you is a lousy way to make decisions. One is only free to choose the best course when acknowledgement doesn’t matter. Loneliness is a risk of making good choices.
When praise for an act of kindness or integrity feels well deserved, your original motivation was at least partly self-serving.
Beware name dropping. There is no such thing as integrity by association.
In business, professed religious belief is not a credential, but a warning sign.
Unwillingness to take a stand for fear of angering others is not a virtue. It is cowardice, and will sooner or later lead to letting down someone who deserves support.
Watch out for people who bristle at honest probes into their integrity. People with integrity skip the show of indignation and answer the question.
Being asked to enter into a fair contract is not an insult, but a sign of trust.
Though you cannot control the outcomes of your choices, you can have the assurance that you made well thought-out, wise decisions to the best of your ability — providing you did.
Successful people acknowledge good and bad fortune. Failures take credit for the former and blame the latter.
Never mistake randomness for anything more.
We all want others to think well of us, but something gets out of kilter when we place too high a value on it, or, worse, feel compelled to manage it. At its most benign, it is insecurity. At its most malignant, it is a breeding ground for hypocrisy and dishonesty.
Failures blame. Successful people accept blame, but tend to call it “responsibility.”
You can’t fix another person.
No one else can fix you.
Working with what is will serve you far better than lamenting what should be.
People who talk about how well they know themselves are mistaken.
Complain, and receive complaints, with care. A complaint doesn’t solve, and not every complaint catalyzes a solution, but every solution begins with a complaint.
People who urge you to “just get along” at the expense of dealing with issues are not peace makers. They are fearful. They frustrate their friends and hold up progress.
With some people, the only way to win is: don’t play.
Winning has nothing to do with defeating anyone. It has more to do with learning how not to defeat yourself.
There is no such thing as a qualified apology.
Truth is truth, regardless of its source.
Your head is smarter than your heart and your gut combined.
People tend to prefer validation to illumination. This is at once useful and disheartening.
When you’re dealing with inappropriate behavior, turnabout is never fair play.
People who don’t understand complexity are good at making complexity look silly to others who also don’t understand it.
If wisdom is in knowing when to speak up, it follows that it must also be in knowing when to shut up.
Whenever you begin defending yourself with words akin to, “I’m not, I’m just...”, chances are you’re kidding yourself with the “I’m not” part.
Reason lacks the spellbinding, convincing power of raw emotion. Thus reason will always have the disadvantage.
Things change.
Move on.
© 2010 Steve Cuno
