dealing with issues are not peace makers. They are
fearful. They frustrate their friends and hold up progress.
is not a virtue. It is cowardice, and will sooner or
later lead to letting down someone who deserves support.
Not that I don’t understand wobbly public knees. You cannot take a stand for without taking a stand against, and vice-versa. Which means taking a stand can place your popularity at risk.
I understand, but I don’t sympathize. I experience disappointment when, only to avoid a slight heat increase, people readily betray that to which or those to whom they privately express support.
To be fair, there are times when keeping one’s yap shut is reasonable. If invited to speak at a religious funeral, you can bet I won’t use the pulpit to take on the religion’s tenets. Wrong time, wrong place, counterproductive, and bad manners. Such situations demand seeking common ground from which to speak and leaving hot topics out of it.
I also make allowance for times when the outcome is sure to be “nothing gained,” no matter what I say or don’t say. If “nothing gained” is the guaranteed endpoint, I prefer expending the least possible effort getting there. This can include not chiming in, and not bothering to respond to barbs. Call me wimpy if you like. If you believe there is more integrity in losing the hard way, more power to you.
But more often, I avail myself of opportunities to speak up and risk unpopularity. A few times as a result I have lost what I thought were dear friends. When that happens, I don’t toss out a cavalier, “Easy come, easy go.” Those moments make me sad. And they stick with me.
On the compensatory side, stand-taking has brought me quite a few wonderful new friends, not to mention helped me better appreciate rock-solid friendships that transcend differences.
Meanwhile, I try not to mistake being stubborn and offensive for standing for what matters. It is an ongoing challenge. In the heat of the moment, they are not always easy to tell apart.


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